PSYCH! [exam]

The first step of the process is a psychological exam. There is nothing more uncomfortable than having to sit in a room with someone you don't know and tell them every detail about yourself. The Shrink now knows things that even my best girl friend and best gay friend don't even know about me. Mazel tov.

I sat on the little couch with my little cup of water and began to be questioned.

Have you ever been molested? Have you ever been raped? Have you ever been pregnant or had an abortion? Have you ever been a victim of domestic violence? How many sexual partners have you had?

Clearly, she just dove right into the most uncomfortable questions ever.

No. No. No. No. Aaaaaand none of your business (I told her).

Every time after this lady asked me a question, I would second guess my own answers. She had on glasses and her eyebrows would arch with every response I gave. I had to double check myself. "No, I've never been arrested." And then she'd look at me over her glasses and my brain would go: REALLY?!?!?! ARE YOU SURE?!?! NOT ONCE?!?!? I went to church three nights a week in high school and studied for fun. Of course I've never been arrested.

Then she said, "I would like you to repeat these three words after me: rabbit, justice, blue."
Me: "Rabbit, justice, blue"
Shrink, "Remember those three words for later."

Balls. Of course you're going to play a memory game. I'm going to give you the most intimate details of my life and try to remember the most random set of words you just threw at me in the back of my mind.

Yes, I had a great childhood. RABBIT JUSTICE BLUE Yes, both my parents loved me. Yes, I was an excellent student. No, I don't hear voices. RABBIT JUSTICE BLUE. No, I don't have any special powers.Yes, I believe in God. I graduated from college. Yes, I understand the emotional impact of this procedure. RABBIT JUSTICE BLUE. No, I don't drink very often anymore. RABBIT JUSTICE....ERRR UMMMM.............BLUE!!!!!!! 26 + 17 = 43 (Yeah she threw in some 2nd grade math problems to fuck with me).Yes, there has been a death of someone close to me. No, I have never had a sexually transmitted disease. 32 - 9 = 23. Yes, I am okay with giving up my genetic material to someone else.

Shrink, "And what were those words I asked you to remember earlier?"
Me, "Rabbit. Justice. Blue."

VICTORY! :)