The Story of McDrunky and McSaint.

Dad and I got on the FLYING TUBE OF DEATH (aka an airplane) and headed east toward the sunshine.
There was a man (we shall call him McDrunky) who was "shit-housed"/"hammer drunk"/"fucking lit" sitting across the isle next to me. McDrunky got on the plane that drunk. McDrunky couldn't lift his carry-on above his head. McDrunky couldn't talk without sluring his speach. McDrunky couldn't function at all. McDrunky sits down and is quite for about 10 minutes before he turns to the guy next to him (We'll call him McSaint) and says, "Do you mind if I smoke?" The McSaint replies, "You can't smoke on an airplane." McDrunky replies, "If I can get arrested for smoking on an airplane, you should be arrested for chewing ice." If I were McSaint, at this time I would have punched McDrunky's lights out. However McSaint say, "Sir, if you could just ask me to stop chewing ice, I'd be happy to do it." McDrunky concedes and McSaint goes back to reading.

A while later, the drink cart comes around. I've given a delicious ginger ale and the Flight Attendant (aka Delta Ditzes henceforth) makes McDrunky a double Canadian Club & seven up. WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I AM PRACTICALLY DRUNK FROM THE FUMES RADIATING OFF OF THIS JACKASS AND YOU ARE GIVING HIM MORE LIQUOR? Thanks Delta Ditzes. You get a thumbs down in my book.
This is when things go sour for McDrunky. McDrunky stops making sense when he talks and starts talking to other passengers. He also starts harassing the guy next to him more. No bueno. McDrunky spills his double all over himself and his seat. McSaint goes and gets a paper towel for him to wipe down with and McDrunky spills all over McSaint's seat. McSaint starts wiping up again when McDrunky spills all of his drunk all over his own lap. Then McDrunky slowly leans forward and passes out with his head against the seat back in front of him. Classy.
The turbulance at this point starts picking up (picking up a little, teeny-tiny baby amount) and I, of course, start freaking out on the inside and begging God to let me live. McDrunky is startled awake and begins incoherently talking about taking care of his mother and dropping the F-bomb for about five minutes. A Delta Ditz walks over and tells him he has had too much to drink. WHAT? YOU JUST GAVE HIM A DOUBLE AN HOUR AGO WHEN HE WAS SHIT HOUSED. THIS IS COMPLETELY YOUR FAULT. McDrunky berates McSaint for about five minutes. McDrunky then settles down and passes out again.
When we land, McDrunky is still passed out and everyone around McSaint shakes his hand and calls him a saint and is super impressed by how he kept his cool. That guy deserves several free flights from Delta on his ability to keep his calm.
McDrunk wakes up and walks in front of my dad off the plane. McDrunk steps onto the get way and BOOOOOM! hits the floor. Dad just stands there while the Delta people help McDrunky up.
As McDrunky departed from us...I heard him say he was going to the bar...
Oi vey.